So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
