HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize