You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
