Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
