I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
