someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
