She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize