I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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