TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
