I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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