WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
