My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
