Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
