I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize