just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
