dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
