At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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