I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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