Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
