God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
