shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
