from now on my penis is your penis
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
