You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
