the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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