In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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