Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My room smells like vodka and shame
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
