Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
