I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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