i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
