it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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