The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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