You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
