help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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