well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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