NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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