Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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