The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
