put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize