Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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