He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
