dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
