You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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