u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
