This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
