you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
