do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can't put those talents on a resume
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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