We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
