i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
