my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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