i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
