You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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