I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
