My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize