I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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