well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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