i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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