So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
