Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
