fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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