Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
