I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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