And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
