Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
