This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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