i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize