Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
