You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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