And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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