He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
