ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
