Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have aggressive nipples.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
