I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
