I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
